The New Moon began on January 11th at 03:57 AM and will be full on January 25th at 09:54 AM, in the Pacific Time Zone. All times taken from
https://www.timeanddate.com/moon/phases/
What a powerful new moon this is! Last evening and into this morning, I felt very emotional, out of sorts and frustrated. Have I felt this way before? Yes, of course. What I realize is that there are things being brought up for me to clear and transmute—things I thought I’d let go of. Another level of the spiral. I’m grateful for the opportunity for expansion, even if it’s at times, uncomfortable.
I’d already planned to share this short writing with you. After the waves of emotion, I’ve been feeling today, it seems even more appropriate. I wrote this piece for a writer’s workshop. I hope my experience translates into something that stirs your Being, as it did mine.
The question of “Who do you think you are?” is a great thing to ponder and explore as we start a new year. This question provides a foundation for who and how you want to express yourself in the coming year. It calls you to remember who you are. If you’re called to share your response to this question, I’d love to know who you are!
“Who do you think you are?” asking from a genuine perspective and giving an honest response.
When this question came up, I immediately went to a memory of my sons during a time of turmoil that was soothed by a delicious family meal and deep, lively conversation. At the end of the evening as they were leaving, I blessed both of them, putting my hand on their hearts asking them to “remember who you are.” I have given myself this same directive over the last several years, so I understood the blessing wasn’t fluff or an easy ask. “Who do you think you are?” carries a similar feeling for me. It’s kind of intimidating…so, here goes.
To open my mind and heart to this question, I imagined an angelic being, radiant, benevolent and loving, standing before me. This being is like a shimmering cloud of energy with glimpses of facial features and hands. Standing directly across from me, she extends a hand, placing her palm on my heart space, as I did with my sons. I’d like to share the experience that this ‘imaginary’ being brought to me.
As her palm touched my chest, I immediately felt a deep abiding love. She asked the question without judgement. She began assisting me in remembering who I am, just by being present with me. She gave me space to define who I am at the core of my being.
I started slowly, with the things that seemed easy. “I’m a mother, daughter, wife, sister, friend. I am a healing facilitator.” I paused. “I am a paradox of traits. I have deep shadows and shiny facades. I can be very opinionated yet open to hearing different perspectives. I’m full of self-doubt and introverted. I often feel that I am perceived as being aloof by others. I’m an “observer.” I started to think of the portions of me that are more than this current expression. I went on. “I’m a Divine spark. I’m lifetimes and lifetimes of soul pieces supporting the current soul of “Deborah” in physical form.” I also know that the soul of who I am in this body supports and is a part of the other soul pieces in their physical form. Sometimes I have memories of these other lives and can call upon the skills that were gathered in those other experiences.” Not wanting to seem either boastful or too critical I stop my conversation with this being, silently asking if she’s heard enough. She responded gently “Have you heard enough? I think you can dig a little deeper. Who are you really?” She stated this in the nicest possible way. Ugh.
I felt my face get hot, and tears started to slide down my cheeks; there was a lump in my throat constricting my breath. “Why is this so hard? Why am I afraid of living, afraid of being seen, afraid of doing what I came here to do?” She gently communicates to me that it is I who called upon her and that I know the answers to these questions. She is not here to scold or give me a pep talk. She gently states “I am here because you called for assistance. ‘Why’ is not a productive question.” I muster a whisper, “What IS the question that I should be asking?” Her voice is not audible but telepathic. I hear her words within my being, soothing like slow-moving water over rocks. She gives me some alternative questions to ponder. “How can I live in alignment with my Divinity? Where does this fear of being seen come from and how can I let go of the fear that I will be judged? What can I do differently to bring my being into its highest good and purpose? Do you feel the difference of the tone of these questions?” With her hand still upon my heart, I could feel a calmness flow through me, entraining my consciousness up to a different level. I took several deep, centering breaths and allowed myself to remember what it is to live in this higher state. I wiped the tears from my eyes and placed my hands on top of her hand, thanking her for her suggestions.
She asked again, “Tell me, who do you think you are? Let yourself explore all the possibilities. Leave nothing out, even the so-called bad things and the things that seem implausible to your human mind. Follow the cord of light within you, let it pull you to the highest expression of who you are.”
From this altered state of consciousness, I began again with a deepened sense of self, a peacefulness—the way I feel when I’m working on behalf of others in journey space or during an energetic healing session. I started speaking, very quietly at first, “I am a conduit, a clear and open channel of the highest frequencies of love, light and healing, in service to humanity, the Earth and my highest self”. I paused, my voice was gathering strength and conviction. “I am Life. I am a being of light manifesting physical form. I am joy, beauty, intelligence, compassion. I am a co-creator with Divine.” I continued, sharing with this being; “I have also experienced what it is to be cruel, filled with rage and uncontrolled emotions; to be violent.” I went on, “These were powerful teachers. I’m grateful for knowing that the spectrum of creation is within me. I can now freely choose to express the attributes that further the evolution of Humanity, propelling myself, reeling myself in on that cord of light to my highest expression, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I am who I choose to be.” I realized as I was speaking to this loving being, that who I think I am changes as I more fully integrate the magnificence of my soul into physical form. The more I know myself, the more I let go of the traits that don’t serve me, allowing me to be more curious about the world around me and realize how my thoughts and feelings change and shape everything around me.
I felt satisfied, but spent. I thanked her for her assistance and patience. I felt her energy gently withdraw. I felt her blessing. I stayed in the space of peace and wonderment for several minutes, soaking in who I think I am; who I know I am.
This encounter lingered, giving me new insights. I’m a “late bloomer” in some ways, yet it also feels like I came to this life with more of an adult mindset than a child. I am actively cultivating a childlike sense of joy. I have gifts to share. To hold them back (as I have in the past) would be a dis-service to myself and my Creator. Receiving this wisdom was truly a gift. I will use it to give myself a little shove when I’m feeling stuck or less than worthy.